Daytime support: A toolkit for managing your days
Reviewed by Dr. Laurie Jones
Your days aren’t quite the same, now that you’ve got a newborn. Suddenly, your job description has become longer, your workload is exponentially heavier…and sleep? Well, you’re definitely not getting enough. There’s an incredible amount for you (and potentially your partner) to manage during the daytime, and you’ll need strategies to work through it. It’s a new world.
Dealing with daytime exhaustion (and chores) means employing some preventive tactics based on maximizing rest, refueling your energy, and coping with sleep deprivation. It’s a key parenthood challenge, and it’s not permanent.
Planning for the night
It might feel strange to think about sleep during the day (other than wistfully), but your daytime activities—including getting some restorative rest—can set you up for better sleep at night.
Better sleep at night starts with daytime activities, breaks, protein-based snacks, and hydration. You can use the pneumonic device GPS (Get outside, eat Protein, get Sleep) as your compass.
Coping with sleep deprivation
You might have had stellar sleep hygiene before kids. Well, sleep is among many important—and often routine—things up for renegotiation after the baby arrives. You’ll likely be battling a combination of exhaustion and adrenaline—and feeling overwhelmed to the core. Getting through this period requires a new daytime mind-set. You’ll need to lower your expectations in lieu of a gentler, less exacting approach to your daily living. Doula and midwife assistant Emily Varnam shares her insights and expertise about how to manage sleep deprivation.
Troubleshooting the daily workload
It may already be clear to you that moms typically do the lion’s share of the baby-related labor. If you have a partner or other help, family or employed, it’s smart to think about how to distribute the workload. Ideally, you and your partner figure out an equitable split. The sooner you start these conversations, the better—but it’s never too late to start!
Managing infant naps
Your baby is going to sleep a whole lot during the day—more than perhaps you might have realized. (So. Many. Naps.) Although you’ll often be home for naps, your baby may also fall asleep in the car, in the stroller, or in the baby carrier while you’re out and about. This scenario becomes more likely as you have more children; the baby often needs to go where you all go! Here you’ll find tips to optimize your newborn’s sleep—and help you and your family get through this challenging period more smoothly.
EXPLORE SAFE SLEEPING
Safety first
Infants are generally good at getting the sleep they need. In short, your job is to not get in the way. Because most newborns can and will sleep just about anywhere (and sleep disorders are rare), focus not so much on sleep optimization as on sleep safety.
Here are some of the more common safe sleeping zones to consider setting up for your baby, as well as some scenarios to avoid at all costs.
A bassinet (like a portable crib) is a bed designed specifically for babies from birth to six months. The height is often adjustable to help you put your baby within arm's reach of your bed at night. Because they’re portable, bassinets can be a good option for daytime napping in other areas—and crucially, they provide a contained, flat surface.
“We overestimate the softness an infant needs for sleep,” says Dr. Laurie Jones, a pediatrician and founder of Dr. MILK (Mothers Interested in Lactation Knowledge). “Simple and firm is always better.”
A baby box is a simple bassinet made of strong cardboard. Originating in Finland, it’s fitted with a mattress and heralded for being safe, affordable, and portable.
“We have to ‘de-program’ ourselves from our modern consumption culture that says, ‘The more stuff you buy and put near baby, the more you love your baby, and the safer your baby will sleep,’” Dr. Jones says. “The opposite is true; the more stark and simple the sleep environment, the safer for the young infant.”
A crib is a dedicated infant bed with high slatted sides. While many cribs are rectangular and fitted with a standard mattress size, some are oval or circular, and some transition into a toddler bed.
“Whether your baby takes the breast or bottle, they should be on a firm, flat sleep surface, ideally in the same room with parents for the first months,” Dr. Jones says. “Try to make it to six months to move your baby to a crib, and ideally past four months.”
Babywearing is as old as parenthood itself, and it brings many benefits, including bonding. Because babies like closeness with their parents, babywearing can be a helpful way to get them to sleep—all while you or your partner go about other household chores, help siblings, or head out on a walk.
“You cannot spoil babies by holding or wearing them,” says Chris Raines, a perinatal psychiatric nurse practitioner. “Some babies need that attachment.” With a baby carrier, she adds, “you can continue to do the things you need to do.”
A pram is a type of stroller designed specifically for newborns. Shaped like a bassinet, it allows young babies to sleep on their backs on a firm, flat surface, and look back up at the person pushing the stroller.
Many modern strollers now come with a pram setting, allowing a newborn to start sleeping flat and transition to a more upright position. The motion of a stroller can help lull your baby to sleep while you get a little exercise and fresh air.
Let’s be real: Whether or not it’s your goal, your baby will sometimes fall asleep being held. If you have the time and aren’t sleepy yourself, that’s fine! Your baby gets biological benefits from close contact, including bonding and brain development.
If it’s not practical to hold your baby during a nap, but you want to sustain that closeness, you (or a caregiver) can try babywearing. “The mother thinks she has to do all the holding that a village used to do,” Dr. Jones says. “But it's not all on you.”
The motion and white noise of a drive or stroll can lull babies to sleep. While it might be tempting to keep your sleeping baby in a car seat after removing the seat from its base or stroller adapter, a baby’s airways can become compromised when the seat leaves its correct angle.
“Car seats are not a safe place for an infant to sleep when not restrained and aligned properly,” Dr. Jones says. Letting your baby nap for up to an hour in a car or stroller is OK, but when a car seat is placed on another surface, it’s no longer safe for sleeping.
Just as there are safe places for babies to sleep, there are some to avoid:
- Near anyone smoking
- On anyone sleeping or impaired (taking pain or sleep meds or using drugs)
- In a swing—these were designed for alert infants (babies should be moved for naps)
- Any place a baby can fall, like a couch, adult bed, or nursing pillow
- On any surface that cannot support a baby’s back
- Within reach of loose material, like blankets and bumpers
- On the floor, if within reach of pets, siblings, or small objects
- Anywhere a caretaker cannot hear or otherwise observe them
Let’s say you need to be hands-free to run an errand or get something done in the house, yet your baby could use a cuddle and a nap. This is a good time to strap on the baby carrier or sling. Or better yet: Strap it on to your partner or caregiver. Babywearing is a lovely way to share the load—your infant—with others while addressing your needs.
EXPLORE BABYWEARING OPTIONS
Babywearing benefits
Your baby loves being close to you. And sometimes your arms need a rest—or to be free to handle other tasks! The many established benefits to babywearing include:
- Strengthening baby’s neck muscles
- Regulating breathing and heart rate
- Aiding digestion
- Early recognition of hunger cues
- Bonding
- Multitasking
Not sure which carrier is right for you? There’s a lot of overlap, and you might prefer a certain carrier for a certain situation. Try a few, and don’t be afraid to change it up!
People sometimes think a structured carrier better supports an infant’s neck, but a soft carrier actually allows for important developmental movements, helping strengthen baby's neck muscles and hips while in a more natural position. Structured carriers are a great choice for older babies and toddlers.
“When they’re really tiny, you don’t want any separation,” says Emily Varnam, a midwife assistant and birth and postpartum doula. "It’s like tummy time, but molded to a parent's shape."
First, dress yourself and your baby for the weather, and put on your shoes. Next, put on the carrier in front of a mirror to ensure that it’s flush against your body, not twisted. Splay out any bunched fabric to evenly distribute baby’s weight.
“I tie it very tight, loosen it a bit, put the baby in, and then tighten to safe standards and comfort,” Varnam says. Practicing at home will help you build confidence and get the tension right.
A single-piece soft wrap is a piece of long fabric that you tie over your shoulders and across your torso to create a snug and stable pouch for your baby. There are no clasps that can dig into your or your baby’s body, and babies can grow with the wrap.
Pro: It can fit just about any caregiver while growing with the baby.
Con: The fabric is long and involves learning tying methods.
The variety of notable brands include Boba and Moby.
A multi-piece soft wrap, which consists of shorter and separate shoulder and torso fabrics, creates a snug and stable pouch just like a single-piece wrap, but without the need to learn elaborate tying methods. Make sure that each shoulder and torso fabric fits you snugly.
Pro: The shorter fabric packs compactly for travel.
Con: One size does not fit all.
The variety of notable brands include Baby K’Tan and Koala Babycare.
A ring sling is typically made of a woven fabric cut to fit the adult and sewn at the shoulder with a ring. This creates a hammock-style seat for the baby across your front or on your hip. Different types have different weight limitations, so use these slings within the recommended range.
Pro: It’s sized to the adult, making it straightforward to put on.
Con: One size does not fit all.
The variety of notable brands include WildBird and Heritage Baby Designs.
Originating in China and commonly worn throughout eastern Asia, a meh dai is part soft wrap, part structured carrier. Four straps extend from each corner of a body panel, and you typically tie them around your shoulders and waist to evenly distribute the weight of your baby.
Pro: One size fits all and can support children through preschool age.
Con: Can be somewhat challenging for infant hip carrying.
The variety of notable brands include Liliputi and Helina Baby.
Soft frames are like soft wraps with built-in support in a thicker body panel, as well as ease of use in a buckle at the waist and/or shoulder straps. The buckle lets adults quickly adjust the straps to fit different sizes without extra fabric hanging down.
Pro: More structured fabric can incorporate pockets.
Con: Buckles may dig into your or your baby’s body.
The variety of notable brands include Beco and Designed by Geeks.
To ensure that your baby is in a safe position in the carrier, you can follow the handy mnemonic device TICKS when looking at your baby’s positioning:
- Tight to your body
- In view at all times
- Close enough to kiss
- Keep chin off chest
- Supported back
For more tips on keeping your baby safe in the carrier, check out the American Academy of Pediatrics page on babywearing.
As Dr. Laurie Jones, a pediatrician and founder of Dr. MILK (Mothers Interested in Lactation Knowledge), says, babies typically give nonverbal cues, such as hand-to-mouth movements to indicate hunger, before beginning to cry. And when your baby is nuzzled against your chest in a carrier, you can feel—and even address—these cues more quickly than when your baby is sitting in a car seat, stroller, or swing.
Dr. Laurie Jones
Pediatrics, Breastfeeding MedicineCalling in community support
The day-to-day workload, from meal prep to laundry to diaper changes to dishes, is a lot to juggle. There are many ways to rally some extra support from your partner, friends, family, and community to keep things moving along during the day.
Research indicates that support (both emotional and practical) is crucial to postpartum physical and mental recovery. This includes support in getting an adequate amount of sleep1. And the more specific your requests for support, the better, Dr. Jones says.
Perinatal psychiatric nurse practitioner Chris Raines advises soliciting a steady stream of help.
"Who is your one person outside of you and your partner that you feel comfortable asking them to do stuff?” Raines asks. Ask this person, she says, to help coordinate a plan (perhaps using a site like Give inKind), to have friends and family drop off prepared meals, walk your dog, run errands, play with your older child, or even just pop in for a glass of wine during your early postpartum months.
Perhaps, Raines says, you’ll end up with a simple plan “where somebody's coming every other day for an hour or even two hours in the afternoon, just to sit and talk.” This alone could prove helpful.
Conversely, you may be wondering about how to respond to an abundance of requests to visit from well-meaning friends and family. Letting others meet and hold your baby is fine, if you have the energy for it, but you may need to create some rules and boundaries around access to your baby, especially regarding sleep—both yours and theirs. Friends and family who are willing to take on other tasks so either you or your baby can rest are golden during this time.
Get help with family social engagement
Enlist your partner or older child to be the house concierge. Writing thank-you notes for gifts that are given. Making the baby announcement. Taking the photos for the baby announcement, posting stuff on social media. Returning phone calls and emails, fielding requests to visit, keeping a schedule of visitors. House concierge! Staying connected socially is a burden and a gift of modern parenting. Enlist help to make you feel competent as a parent.
References
1 https://europepmc.org/article/med/1884933
Additional resources
RELATED READING
Night parenting 101
Parenting a newborn involves some level of around-the-clock tending. Your sleep will undergo a (temporary) downward shift, and there are ways to cope.
Normalizing infant sleep
Your baby will sleep a lot, and you might wonder what’s normal. It’s all good!
