Returning to work

Whether you can’t wait to get back to work or feel wholly unprepared—or maybe a bit of both, depending on the day—the logistics themselves take work, and you might be wondering how you can possibly add anything else to your plate.

The good news is that there are steps you can take to help prepare yourself, and your baby, for whatever your new normal looks like. In this guide, our aim is to:

Wherever you are in your transition to parenthood, it’s helpful to be sharp about your priorities and gentle with your expectations. After all, this is a time that can bring a whirlwind of excitement, nerves, and even dread depending on the moment.

No matter how much rearranging you do, the puzzle that is your life can only fit so many pieces! Trying to do more than you have the time or energy for simply doesn’t work out in the long run. This is true at any point, but is especially pronounced when we become parents juggling our careers with our new roles at home.

We’re here to help you manage your expectations during this busy and demanding transition through three exercises: getting into the mindset that this is a marathon; coming to terms with your shifting identity; and taking a good look at the logistics of your days to fit what you most want.

First of all, parenting is a marathon. And marathons can be a lot of things all at once—i.e. extremely tiring with a lot of work and preparation, and also extremely rewarding with a lot of beauty and joy.

While any given moment can feel long and difficult, the time also flies. Of course knowing that doesn’t change the fact that life with a newborn is, for a certain amount of time, life in survival mode. And many parents have such short (if any) parental leave that they’re back to work before physically healing, fully establishing breastfeeding, or putting efficient systems in place to juggle it all.

Your supply can also be impacted in times of transitions, and that includes when you’re learning to pump. Fortunately any dips are typically small and temporary as your body learns to respond to stimuli other than your baby to release milk. (If you find yourself struggling with your letdown when you pump, there are ways to work on your mind-body connection that can help.)

“Feeding discussions are the tip of the iceberg,” says pediatrician Dr. Laurie Jones, who offers tips on managing your supply when you return to work. “Think through how to get what you want the most, and how to let go of what’s less important. You might have to slow your work goals for a while to meet your care and feeding goals, or vice versa.”

Whatever you give up for now—a decent night’s sleep, a favorite hobby, being the person who always arrives at work first—you’re unlikely to have to give these things up forever.

While identity shifts happen throughout our lives, rarely are they as pronounced as when we become parents. Add to that the possible return to work while juggling breastfeeding, pumping, child care, and travel, and you might feel stretched to the point of contortion.

We sat down with Chris Raines, a perinatal psychiatric nurse practitioner who’s been treating families for 20 years, to learn what to expect, and how to stay true to ourselves as we navigate this identity shift.

“When you have a baby, your mind is occupied with time management, caring for someone that depends on you 100% of their time,” she says. “You're moving from being an expert in your field to a novice as a parent. You can feel resentful, being in this mundane day-to-day, changing diapers, not having adult conversation, trying to meet everybody else's needs first.”

Even people who are already expert caregivers can struggle with this shift, she says. “People think you know everything, but what you are is a new parent. You’re not an expert yet. The transition from expert to novice can be hard, especially when expectations are high.”

Regardless of whether you can hardly wait to get back to work or feel unready to leave your baby, both can bring feelings of guilt, fear, and unease, and exhaustion can exacerbate these feelings.

With all the many learning curves, it’s also common to go through this transition feeling isolated and inadequate. “My oldest is 11 and I still remain convinced that I’m not fully at work or at home,” says Mariel Benjamin, a licensed clinical social worker and director of groups at Cooper. “There are days when you nail one, and it’s at the direct expense of the other. And feelings of guilt and loneliness can be exacerbated if you’re a single parent or don’t have a welcoming employer.”

Another tricky part of the shift, Benjamin says, is that certain aspects of our identities tend to dominate, and that doesn’t necessarily align with societal expectations. “What matters to us? Race? Gender? What type of friend we are? Then you add parent.

“There’s an assumption that the parent part of ourselves becomes dominant, especially for women, and that’s one place where people can get really lost. There’s a renegotiating of who you are. You don’t have to necessarily love your new self, you just have to reconcile your new self with who you were before, because who you were before didn’t disappear.”

Be patient with yourself as you embody this new role as parent, and then working parent. And remember that you’ll be a better parent if you put on your own oxygen mask first. In fact, Raines advises blocking out time every week to do something that brought you joy before having kids.

“Ultimately, babies grow up and we're left with ourselves,” she says. “You are not just a partner or parent. You're an individual. Don’t lose that power.”

Understanding your priorities takes time, and it will change over time. While it’s always helpful to check in with your partner or support system and see what’s working and what isn’t, it’s just as important to regularly check in with yourself and take stock of what you want and how to get the support you need.

“Your brain changes at this time enable you to take better care of your baby,” Benjamin says. “Be realistic about what you can and can’t do during this time. Think about what matters to you. And remember: It’s not hard just so that you suffer. This is hard so that you grow, and get better at it.”

For instance, if you’re committed to providing breast milk for a certain number of months, figure out when to introduce a bottle and start planning how to pump at work. Do your best to put efficient systems in place, like buying extra pump parts for your work bag, getting regular help cleaning pump parts at night, and finding other moms returning to work to commiserate and share tips.

For each thing you’re adding to your plate, you have that much less time to commit elsewhere, so think carefully about the support you’ll need, and then ask for it. (That includes getting professional support if you think you might be struggling with any perinatal mood and anxiety disorders or postpartum conditions or complications.)

Finally, give yourself grace as much as you can. There will be good moments, and there will be bad moments. You’re learning as you go, just like the rest of us! But everybody wins—your baby, your loved ones, yourself—when you understand your priorities and get the help you need to achieve them.

“There’s real science that a happy mom is better for her baby in every sense,” Benjamin says. “And we’re not talking about frivolous things. We’re talking about the things that make you feel whole. And if you feel whole, that’s when you can feel present for your babies.”

Whatever this milestone looks like for you, we’re going to acknowledge the return to work for what it is: a big deal! Whether you’ve landed here on your own timeline or your leave has run out, and whether you’re feeling ready or overwhelmed (or some combination depending on the moment), it’s all valid and normal.

It’s a big deal for your baby, too, who may be transitioning to the care of someone else for the first time. Just remember that any bit of breast milk you offer will extend the myriad benefits.

Finding the right fit

A properly-fitted flange, supportive bra, and good alignment are all crucial when it comes to pumping comfortably and maximizing your output.

Fit your flange

Always measure yourself before choosing your flange. Getting this right is critical for comfort and output. You might need an insert if your size isn’t included in your kit.

Choose a supportive bra

Carrying pumps safely—and in style

Pumping is a major investment in so many ways, not least of which is all the gear that goes with it. Here's how to protect and transport your pump and accessories.

Keep it organized 

If you’re looking for a pump bag that is both stylish and functional, look no further. Willow’s bag fits your pump and the Pump Anywhere case, and helps you keep your accessories and supplies protected and neatly organized.

Nest and protect

A hard shell case that nests inside your pump bag uses a moulded tray and strap to secure your two pumps in place, and a mesh storage pocket is built into the case to hold smaller parts and milk bags. It’s not only robust and stylish, but easy to clean.

Simplifying cleaning

If you’re pumping multiple times a day, there are a few tricks to making cleaning more efficient, all while ensuring that the parts completely dry before you use them again.

Make cleaning easier

Warm soapy water is best, and the parts are dishwasher safe, but you might not always have access to soap and clean water. Pump wipes and cleaning spray are designed to remove breast milk residue when you’re on the go.

Buy extra parts

If your pump parts don’t completely dry between sessions, their quality can degrade and impact pump performance. But washing after every session isn’t always practical. You can save time, and effort, swapping out extra sets and then batch cleaning once a day.

Carry parts in reusable bags 

With everything you’re juggling, it’s handy to be able to stash your pump parts in one place. Food-grade quality silicone bags that won’t leak and are dishwasher safe are an ideal solution for easy storage and transport home.

Transferring and storing milk

After pumping into your reusable Willow milk containers, there are a few ways to transfer and store it, depending on your circumstances and how soon you plan to use your milk.

Keep your milk cold on the go 

A dedicated cooler both keeps your milk cold and helps you carry it discreetly.

Freeze your milk in bags

If you don’t plan to use your milk within a few days, you’ll need to freeze instead of refrigerate it. Freezer milk bags are especially handy because they’re easy to label, stack, and organize by date without taking up much space.

Looking after your breasts

Both pumping and direct breastfeeding involve a lot of touching, tugging, and pulling on sensitive areas. If your breasts and nipples are feeling it, you’ve got options.

Lubricate your nipples 

Throughout your pumping journey, and especially when you're pumping frequently, a little lubrication on your nipples can help your pump glide over your skin, reducing friction or chafing while improving the seal.

Massage sore and engorged breasts

Heat, massage, and showers can help prevent and/or relieve some of the most common breast conditions—including engorgement, plugged ducts, and mastitis.

Looking after yourself

It’s easy for your own self care to take a backseat when you’re managing life with a baby, but it’s important for both of you that you continue to look after yourself.

Nourish yourself 

Whether you’re planning your return to work or you just want a little help with mealtime, you’ve got options. Cooking and freezing meals ahead of time, getting support from loved ones, and investing in a healthy, recovery-focused meal program can help.

Support your supply

Tea is a tasty way to stay hydrated, and hydration is a key part of helping you maintain your supply. You can incorporate ingredients that might support milk production (known as galactagogues) into your breastfeeding repertoire.

Amplify your wardrobe

If your pre-pregnancy outfits aren’t quite right during your pumping journey, you can take some of the stress out of updating your wardrobe by trying subscriptions for rental clothing.

Your first week back at work is a transitional period, but it’s also the culmination of a lot of logistical work, so congratulations! While some setbacks can be expected when so much is changing, there are a few ways to make your return go as smoothly as possible.

Celebrate getting here

This transition can involve a range of emotions. Let yourself feel them, and be as patient as you can be (with yourself and your baby) on however much sleep you’re currently getting. 

Also celebrate getting here. Whatever that looks like for you—a night out with a partner or friends, a massage, tea and journaling—try to pause and acknowledge all the work you’ve already put in.

Create emergency plans

Things happen, like being separated from your pump when it’s time to pump, so always have a backup nearby; future you will thank you! Start by making a small emergency pumping kit with a hand pump, bottles, and hand sanitizer or pump wipes in case you’re away from running water and soap. 

Keep the phone numbers handy of people who can help you out in a jiffy—say, with errands or an emergency day care pickup. These might be friends or other parents or relatives inside or outside the workplace, including anyone who might also be pumping at work and have backup supplies or intel.

Check in with your caregiver

If your baby has primarily had you those first weeks and months, this is a big adjustment for both of you. If your baby is crying and fussing a lot, or not taking a bottle, it’s par for the course during this transition.

Talk with your caregiver about ways to proactively address your baby’s needs. Share any activities or soothing techniques that your baby responds to with you, and trust that your baby will adjust in time. And if your baby cluster feeds during the hours you’re together, that’s common too.

Expect a few sleep (and other) setbacks

If your baby is sleeping more, hopefully you are too! Because sleep and supply are linked, going longer stretches at night can hit your supply. Sometimes the timing works out well, with your baby’s longer sleep happening as they’re getting additional nourishment through solids. And some moms add a morning pump session to help maintain supply and relieve pressure.

There may be a variety of other setbacks as well, but hopefully they’ll be temporary and largely logistical. Certain curveballs might interact with your supply (like learning to pump or getting your period), and sometimes things come up no matter how well you’ve prepared yourself. (One mom we talked to did a trial run to work, and found herself locked out of the room she’d planned to use for pumping. She felt too uncomfortable to ask her mostly male coworkers for help, but did sort it out for her return.)

It can help to check in with your manager and discuss:

Child care comes in all shapes and sizes, from day care centers with long commutes to live-in nannies and the occasional help from a family member or friend.

Regardless of your exact setup, a little planning can go a long way in helping to ease the transition for yourself, and your baby, to this new routine.

“Give yourself the adjustment period to plan,” says Mariel Benjamin, a licensed clinical social worker and director of groups at Cooper. “Start really early, and if at all possible, go and meet with the child care provider and observe how they work. The primary thing you’re looking for is that there’s a good vibe, so follow your gut instinct.”

Once you’ve found a provider, here are a few things to think about and prepare.

Map it out

Try to write down all the questions you have about what child care looks like, and then start getting the answers so you can plan accordingly.

Go time

A week or so before your baby’s first day in child care, it’s time for the dress rehearsal. Doing a few final preparations can go a long way in helping you and your baby feel prepared.

If you find yourself traveling for work while still breastfeeding, take a moment to congratulate yourself. You’re hopefully finding a work/life balance that feels manageable, with a support network in place to help out when you’re away from your baby. There are many milestones to celebrate!

When it comes time to sort out the logistics of your trip, there are a few details to prep that can go a long way in making your journey smoother.

Know your travel rights

First, familiarize yourself with all the things you’re legally protected to do. We’ve pulled together the specifics on your rights flying with your pump.

One handy tip is that in the US, breast milk and gel packs are not only allowed, but don’t need to adhere to the liquid limit of 3.4 or fewer ounces. (You can bookmark the TSA’s page on these items in case you encounter a TSA agent unfamiliar with these rules.)

Pack smart

Pack all your pumping supplies—including a case, charging block and cables, pumping bra, milk bags, gel packs or cooler, a bottle brush, and a mini drying rack or towel—together for easy access. And remember extra water, snacks, and a hand pump for backup.

If you’re flying in the US, you’re allowed to carry these supplies separately in a pumping bag or inside your carry-on bags, because the Food and Drug Administration deems breast pumps medical devices.

Plan where to pump

Research the places you’re visiting to map out clean places where you can pump on whatever schedule you’ve set, and check out state laws for pumping at work.

While pumping in public can bring a range of emotions and challenges, you’re legally protected to do so—in fact, if your state provides better protection than federal law, the state law takes priority.

Keep your milk cold

Think through how you’re going to store your pumped milk if you’re going to be away from your baby—and possibly a refrigerator or freezer—for days. Willow’s Portable Milk Cooler is TSA compliant, holds up to 16 ounces, and will keep your milk at a safe temperature for up to 24 hours.

A few pro tips: Store your milk in serving sizes in a freezer, label each with the date and volume, and don’t let them thaw until they’re ready to use. When freezing milk bags, by the way, you can get all the air out by slowly submerging them in water with the seal just above the surface, then sealing.

Schlep it or ship it

If you have any concerns about storing your milk safely, you can ship it to wherever your baby is, or to wherever you can keep it frozen. Bear in mind that it’s expensive to do, in part because your milk must be shipped quickly and kept cold—and you don’t have to ship your milk at all if you’re pumping primarily to maintain your supply.

It’s legal to ship breast milk in the US (which companies like Milk Stork do), but if you’re exporting it abroad (which DHL and FedEx do), first confirm that it’s legal to send to the destination country.

Set boundaries

Establish and communicate boundaries around how much you’re working on the road, and pay attention to your sleep and stress levels. Your breasts respond to demand, so if you don’t express enough milk when you pump, you might develop supply issues.

And remember: You are your own best advocate! Try to proactively ask your employer for what you need, whether that’s a clean space, a better chair, or more time to pump.

Celebrate the wins

Any amount of breast milk you’re able to provide your baby brings health benefits to both of you, so remember to take time to acknowledge your hard work along the way—especially if you find yourself juggling pumping while traveling for work.